Adoption Parenting is Different
It is.
When the boys were little, they rarely awoke at night after they began sleeping all the way through at 6 weeks old. If they awoke, they were usually sick and if they weren't, we'd let them work it out a little by themselves.
Children who have spent the first year in an orphanage, have never had someone respond to their cries for hunger, to be changed, to be loved. There are just too many babies to care for and not enough nannies. Everything is done on a schedule and not on the individual baby's need.
The need for a trust relationship with a newly adopted child is critical. It is our job as parents to re-enforce time and time again, that we WILL respond to every cry, every need, every desire for comfort. As we do that, they will begin to trust that we will always be there, that they will have a full tummy, a clean diaper and warm snuggles.
When a child is sleeping, they are the most relaxed so that is when they can feel most vunerable. Sleep issues are common in adopted children. Fears that you will not be there when they awake, or processing things that have upset them during the day are normal.
Aria woke for the first year she was home 4-6 times a night. She was terrified and we would rush in, comfort and rock her, only to repeat the process time and time again. She was terrified of leaves blowing in the wind, the feel of grass on her feet, airplanes in the sky, and people coming her direction- even in the grocery store isle.
For us, crying it out was never an option. We wanted to prove to her that we would always be there for her and that was more important than uninterrupted sleep.
She gradually conquered all these fears and has been sleeping well at night.. Until last night....
She woke 3 times crying and Daddy settled her right down, but at 3:30 AM and the 4th time, I went in and heard her crying, "I need my crib" over and over. She has been in a big girl bed for over a year now.
I thought about our day, and remembered that we had to make her go to Sunday school class and she cried. Hard. Daddy stayed for a few minutes to calm her and then left her in there to be cared for.
It was a new teacher, and she was feeling scared, but we felt she had conquered the fear of the classroom and we did not want to regress in this area. We had really stretched her by leaving her, and she was dealing with it in her old way- by sleeping issues.
Greg and I decided that I should sleep with her to give her the security she needed. She reached out to make sure I was there numerous times the rest of the night.
As I laid awake praying for her, I couldn't help rejoice in what God has done to heal her of the many, many fears. I recount the faithfulness of God to all of us through these last 2 years with her, and can joyfully say, the she is an amazing child that we are blessed beyond measure to parent.
And I thought of how our Heavenly Father will never leave or forsake us, that He is our comfort, our ever present help in time of need, our High Tower, Deliverer and our source of strength when we are weary.
Adoption parenting is different because the needs are different, but isn't the way the the Lord cares for us, His children- by ministering to us according to our needs?
When the boys were little, they rarely awoke at night after they began sleeping all the way through at 6 weeks old. If they awoke, they were usually sick and if they weren't, we'd let them work it out a little by themselves.
Children who have spent the first year in an orphanage, have never had someone respond to their cries for hunger, to be changed, to be loved. There are just too many babies to care for and not enough nannies. Everything is done on a schedule and not on the individual baby's need.
The need for a trust relationship with a newly adopted child is critical. It is our job as parents to re-enforce time and time again, that we WILL respond to every cry, every need, every desire for comfort. As we do that, they will begin to trust that we will always be there, that they will have a full tummy, a clean diaper and warm snuggles.
When a child is sleeping, they are the most relaxed so that is when they can feel most vunerable. Sleep issues are common in adopted children. Fears that you will not be there when they awake, or processing things that have upset them during the day are normal.
Aria woke for the first year she was home 4-6 times a night. She was terrified and we would rush in, comfort and rock her, only to repeat the process time and time again. She was terrified of leaves blowing in the wind, the feel of grass on her feet, airplanes in the sky, and people coming her direction- even in the grocery store isle.
For us, crying it out was never an option. We wanted to prove to her that we would always be there for her and that was more important than uninterrupted sleep.
She gradually conquered all these fears and has been sleeping well at night.. Until last night....
She woke 3 times crying and Daddy settled her right down, but at 3:30 AM and the 4th time, I went in and heard her crying, "I need my crib" over and over. She has been in a big girl bed for over a year now.
I thought about our day, and remembered that we had to make her go to Sunday school class and she cried. Hard. Daddy stayed for a few minutes to calm her and then left her in there to be cared for.
It was a new teacher, and she was feeling scared, but we felt she had conquered the fear of the classroom and we did not want to regress in this area. We had really stretched her by leaving her, and she was dealing with it in her old way- by sleeping issues.
Greg and I decided that I should sleep with her to give her the security she needed. She reached out to make sure I was there numerous times the rest of the night.
As I laid awake praying for her, I couldn't help rejoice in what God has done to heal her of the many, many fears. I recount the faithfulness of God to all of us through these last 2 years with her, and can joyfully say, the she is an amazing child that we are blessed beyond measure to parent.
And I thought of how our Heavenly Father will never leave or forsake us, that He is our comfort, our ever present help in time of need, our High Tower, Deliverer and our source of strength when we are weary.
Adoption parenting is different because the needs are different, but isn't the way the the Lord cares for us, His children- by ministering to us according to our needs?
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