Yes you can.

WARNING: Potential controversial post ahead..... Proceed with caution. And don't say you weren't warned.



Since we made the decision to adopt special needs kids we get the same comment over and over again.

From family,

From Friends,

From well meaning acquaintances,

From total strangers.

And it goes something like this:

"I could NEVER do what you are doing. GOD bless you. Those kids are really lucky to have you. I could NEVER do that."

And my thought is, YES YOU CAN.

You don't want to.
 OR more truthfully....You choose not to.

Now stay with me here.

I have several friends whose biological children were born with serious medical issues:

Heart conditions, spina bifida, severe cerebral palsy, autism, emotional special needs, leukemia, and lots of other lesser special needs.

 Initially, their world was shattered at what there life would now look like:

Doctor's appointments, therapies of every kind, medical bills, surgeries, a child who may not attend mainstream education, a child who may never leave their home....

And they grieved what was lost, and pulled themselves up by their boot straps and  did what they had to do- LOVE AND PARENT THEIR BEAUTIFUL CHILD.

No one tells them that their child is LUCKY that they chose to parent them after they weren't born healthy.
Of course not.

And quite honestly, I believe that their world is much harder than mine.

My dreams weren't shattered.

Aria, Gianna, Sofia and Celia were exactly what we wanted.

We had no grandiose ideals of children who would come to us perfectly healthy.

We EXPECTED attachment issues, trust issues, emotional issues, issues of loss, grief, medical issues that were undiagnosed, and those that were diagnosed might be the worst case scenario.

So you see, I think we have it easy.

We prayerfully filled out a list of medical conditions WE CHOSE to accept or deny.

Because we felt led to CHOOSE needs that some would consider significant or severe, doesn't lessen the fact that we are privileged(unlike biological parents) to prepare.

We have researched. We have our medical plan in place already. We are prepared for a list of unknowns.
We have read and re-read attachment books. We have discussed how we will promote attachment with twins.

So, Miss. ICouldNeverDoWhatYouAreDoing... my heartfelt response to you is this-

Yes YOU COULD and YOU WOULD if a child like mine was born to you.
I understand that you chose not to willingly undertake what we have.
That's okay.
 My point to you is that I think WILLINGLY undertaking it is far easier.

And I am hurt for my children that you consider them LUCKY. Are they less deserving because they were not born to me and therefore they are LUCKY?


So in re-cap, let's call a spade a spade:

God is AMAZING. He laid on our hearts to say "YES" to special needs of the children HE had for us. That, in my humble opinion, is MUCH EASIER than being surprised by a child born with a significant special need.
I DO NOT judge those who do not choose the life we have.

Just PLEASE don't tell me you could never do what I am doing.
You could if you had to. Or like us, if you were called to.

My children are NOT lucky. Their sweet lives are ordered by a Heavenly Father who loves them.

And in the end,  it is their Mommy and Daddy who will be forever grateful for these treasures.

WE are the "lucky" ones.