Naked Mole Rat
I HATE, LOATHE, DESPISE shaving the dog.
And truth be told, I really shouldn't be doing it.
It's just when it's "that" time again, I shudder at the thought of plunking down $60 for A DOG'S HAIRCUT!!
My haircuts don't cost any where near that much.
(No, I don't go to Great Clips, but I have thought about it. Why do you ask?)
I mean, how bad can a $12 haircut really be?
Maybe I should try it, just once???
It's hair, right? It will grow eventually.
Okay, maybe not.
Ahhhh, but I digress.....
You know it's going to be a bad day for BOTH of us when it's dog-shaving day.
He whines, squirms and is generally uncooperative.
I on the other hand, whine, squirm while covered in itchy dog hair, and well.... whine some more.
And when it is FINALLY over, the dog and I aren't on speaking terms for at least a week.
He can't believe I have shaved him bald.
I feel compelled to, because, I NEVER want to EVER do it again, so my marvelous plan is to shave him down to pink skin so I will NEVER, EVER have to do it again.
FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE.
Or 3 months, whichever comes first.
And every time I look at him for at least a week after, I see the imperfections and straggly hairs that need trimming.
It drives me CRAZY.
(Not enough to actually fix them mind you.)
And really, why is symmetry so important any way?
I mean, isn't it "sharing my artistic talents" to cut the two sides of his face bit different from each other?
Does it really look THAT BAD?
If he cocks his head, or you cock yours, it almost looks even too.
So, at the end of dog-balding day I SWEAR to myself that I'm plunking down $60 the next time- who cares about frivolous things like paying for g-tube supplies, or co-pays at the Dr or silly things like trips to the store for stuff.
I mean, really.
This is a NEED.
My sanity is at risk here.
And then, on a Monday morning, on a day very much like today, I find myself standing over the bathroom sink with shaver in hand, muttering to myself.
And truth be told, I really shouldn't be doing it.
It's just when it's "that" time again, I shudder at the thought of plunking down $60 for A DOG'S HAIRCUT!!
My haircuts don't cost any where near that much.
(No, I don't go to Great Clips, but I have thought about it. Why do you ask?)
I mean, how bad can a $12 haircut really be?
Maybe I should try it, just once???
It's hair, right? It will grow eventually.
Okay, maybe not.
Ahhhh, but I digress.....
You know it's going to be a bad day for BOTH of us when it's dog-shaving day.
He whines, squirms and is generally uncooperative.
I on the other hand, whine, squirm while covered in itchy dog hair, and well.... whine some more.
And when it is FINALLY over, the dog and I aren't on speaking terms for at least a week.
He can't believe I have shaved him bald.
I feel compelled to, because, I NEVER want to EVER do it again, so my marvelous plan is to shave him down to pink skin so I will NEVER, EVER have to do it again.
FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE.
Or 3 months, whichever comes first.
And every time I look at him for at least a week after, I see the imperfections and straggly hairs that need trimming.
It drives me CRAZY.
(Not enough to actually fix them mind you.)
And really, why is symmetry so important any way?
I mean, isn't it "sharing my artistic talents" to cut the two sides of his face bit different from each other?
Does it really look THAT BAD?
If he cocks his head, or you cock yours, it almost looks even too.
"Hi my name is Bentley, and I am a product of artistic expression.
Someone, please save me?"
So, at the end of dog-balding day I SWEAR to myself that I'm plunking down $60 the next time- who cares about frivolous things like paying for g-tube supplies, or co-pays at the Dr or silly things like trips to the store for stuff.
I mean, really.
This is a NEED.
My sanity is at risk here.
And then, on a Monday morning, on a day very much like today, I find myself standing over the bathroom sink with shaver in hand, muttering to myself.
"Humiliating.
Degrading.
I'm not speaking to you, so don't bother calling for me.
I'm hiding under the bed until my hair grows"
And then there's the aftermath.
All to save $60 and a trip to the groomer.
Never.
Ever.
Again.
For AT LEAST 3 months.
HA!
O.K. Remember Peaches? The only slightly bigger than Bentley poodle we had? Your brave husband, many moons ago, gave her a haircut. He must have enjoyed it 'cause I remember him laughing hysterically for weeks afterwards, every time he looked at her. Anyway, I suggest you let him try the next time - its gotta be better than $60. That will give us time to come up with another solution - Maybe braids?
ReplyDeleteThe difference is you, you had GOOD intentions when you shaved Bentley, possibly unlike my brother at the time. (Hard to believe for some I know) I think you did a fabulous job, Just saying...
ReplyDelete