15 things you should NEVER say....
.... to an adoptive family.
1) "Were they a package deal?"
2) "Are they real sisters? They are? Really? What a blessing they have their REAL sister."
3) "Can I go get me one of them too?" (Just a reminder,I do live in GA folks.)
4) After repeatedly saying they're beautiful, and having a 5 year old tell you her beauty comes from her heart, you say, and I quote: " Well, you are beautiful on the outside too and that is what counts."
5) Frantically pointing to a multi- racial adoptive family, and exclaiming loudly, "My daughter loves to look at girls like those. Look Honey, see those Chinese girls? Look at their eyes."
6) "Oh bless your heart. Nobody would have wanted a child with such extensive medical issues. You must be a saint to take her." (This was said in a Dr.'s office IN FRONT OF MY CHILD!!)
7) And let's not forget the pathetic attempt at humor: "Which aisle did you find them on?" or "Look what Home Depot now sells."
8) "How much do they cost?" "Did you get a discount for getting two since the little one is in a back brace?"
9) "How did you get 2 purty ones? Did you get to pick them out yourself?"
10) And of course everyone's favorite: "You can't have....you know, ummm.... your OWN kids?"
or another version- "Did you try to have your OWN kids before you resorted to adoption?"
11) "Girls, do you know how lucky you are?"
12) "I hear China throws their girls out like garbage. Was your daughter found dumped on the road?"
13) "I bet they're really smart. Is that why you adopted from China? All Asians are smart you know."
14) "This is Greg and Cristy, and their sons Justin and Ryan, and their ADOPTED daughters Aria and Gianna."
15) And last but not least: "Why didn't you adopt from the U.S.? Why would you pick China over your own country?"
*Each and every one of the above-mentioned comments have all been said to us, and every single comment was made in front of my children.*
"Let everyone be quick to hear, slow to speak and slow to wrath." James 1:19
(I am working on the slow to anger portion of this verse.)
Unbelievable. That makes me mad by just reading it! I love my favorite little Claxton girls!!! With the talking and all! :)
ReplyDeleteOh, man. That was hard to read.
ReplyDeleteGlad you went ahead and posted this. However, I haven't laughed so hard in a long time as listening to you tell the beginning part of this post with the most perfect Southern accent. Had a great time with you and Aimee at school. See you Tuesday.
ReplyDeleteMouth is still hanging open at some of these comments!
ReplyDeleteWe've gotten a few of these, too. This weekend, someone asked my 11 year old bio daughter what country she was adopted from! I try to chalk it up to ignorance rather than unkindness, but it amazes me what people have the nerve to say.
ReplyDeleteHi, Saw your post on RQ. I can SO RELATE, especially to the comments about medical stuff in front of our children!!! Why do people do that?
ReplyDeleteMy Mom says they don't realize or just don't think but that is NO EXCUSE for being rude! Great post. I hope some people read it and think twice.
Our latest: "She is SO BROOOOWWWWNNNN." (we live in the deep south too). As if she doesn't already KNOW she is a lot darker than we are. So frustrating!
Since our daughter is not verbal (she is at home but in public mostly not b/c people can't understand her so she quit trying), people also ASSUME she can't hear either but her hearing is NORMAL.
I just wanted to say thanks for sharing openly and I get what you're saying all too well.
People can be so cruel without even knowing it. I have struggled through infertility, the loss of a child and now Lily's heart surgery. The comebacks that we can say back can be very effective and even educational. Please continue to educate all those unknowing individuals about how hurtful they can be. And most of all may you continue to be blessed in all that you do.
ReplyDeleteIt's amazing to me how people just don't think before they speak. I still remember some very hurtful things that people said to us when we lost our son. It is easier on my heart for me to just believe that they are ignorant comments rather than malicious ones.
ReplyDeleteAnd let's not forget the pathetic attempt at humor: "Which aisle did you find them on?" or "Look what Home Depot now sells."
ReplyDeleteI get this too. Especially from older folks. I laugh and say "aisle two, they're on sale"
the other comments? Yikes.
I love the comments or questons...it gives you a chance to enlighten people. I get the "What aisle can I get one of those" with my bio children too. If people think they are cute---they are just trying to let you know in a funny way. I personally think it is better for people to speak out---if they are trying to be mean then that is their issue and your daughter's will get that with your support and guidance. Most of the time, people are ignorant to the happenings in International adoption. Everyone is NOT going to naturally understand. Just like childless friends do not understand what it is like to have children---until they do. And you understand marriage once you are in it... etc...
ReplyDelete